


Co-Captains

by orphan_account



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/F, Peggy!Cap AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-11 06:05:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5616439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is starting to move beyond normal co-captain behavior. </p>
<p>(written for webofdreams89, for Tumblr's MCU Femslash Holiday Gift Exchange 2015)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Co-Captains

**Author's Note:**

  * For [webofdreams89](https://archiveofourown.org/users/webofdreams89/gifts).



Natasha Romanoff was Peggy's co-captain now, but  Peggy was beginning to realize that she  _still_ hardly knew the other woman, and it didn't sit well with her. It was strange to trust someone but still barely know them, but Natasha Romanoff was one of the most closed-off people she had ever encountered. Which was saying something, since Peggy herself was pretty up there in the aloof department as well. 

Now that they had gotten into a training routine for the New Avengers, Peggy finally felt things begin to calm down, at least for the moment. It was a welcome change, and she was glad for the routine. Ever since she was pulled out of the ice, it had seemed like crises hit a mile a minute, and she hadn't really had a chance to breathe. She hoped that this respite would last just long enough for her to gather her bearings and get used to the future a little bit. If she was honest with herself, she was having a terrible time coping, but the last thing she wanted was to let that slip to anyone else.

It was easier to worry about other people, namely Natasha. Now that everything had settled into a regular schedule, Natasha had become incredibly reclusive, and Peggy couldn't tell if that was normal behavior for her. She would have asked Barton, but he was away with his family, and the idea of bothering him because she was overly concerned about his best friend felt a little silly. After all, she hardly knew Natasha. Why was she so concerned for her wellbeing, anyway?

That question ran through Peggy's mind for the umpteenth time, but now there was a concrete reason. She stood outside of Natasha's quarters, trying to convince herself to knock and wondering if the other woman would appreciate an offer to have lunch together. Natasha tended to grab her food and dart back to her quarters during meals, so Peggy expected her to say no, but it was worth a try. Co-captains were supposed to make sure the other was doing all right, weren't they?

Finally, she raised her hand to knock, half hoping that Natasha wouldn't answer, and she could save herself the embarrassment. It took a few minutes for Natasha to answer, but Peggy waited, hoping the other woman wouldn't chew her out. When Natasha opened the door, she blinked in surprise, and then frowned.

“Is something going on? Do you need me out there?” Natasha asked, and Peggy shook her head.

“No, I – um – I was just wondering if you'd like to have lunch with me. That's all.” It amazed Peggy how saying something like that could make her feel like an awkward teenager all over again. She chastised herself for it, knowing that she needed to get more comfortable around Natasha so they could work properly as a team.

Natasha blinked again at Peggy's question, raising her eyebrows just slightly.

“Usually I just grab and go, but...all right.” Something like a ghost of a smile flitted across Natasha's face briefly, but Peggy thought she might have imagined it. She walked out of the room, shutting the door behind her, and gestured for Peggy to follow her. Peggy couldn't believe she actually said yes, and she wondered why the hell she was so pleased about it. All they were doing was lunch.

“Is there a reason you wanted to have lunch with me, or was it just because?” Natasha asked as they walk, and Peggy scratched her head, a little embarrassed.

“I just wanted to spend more time with you, that's all,” Peggy said, and then added on more after a moment, so as not to embarrass herself further. “Since we're officially working together now, we should probably get to know each other a little better, don't you think?” Natasha's expression was unreadable, but eventually she nodded, and she and Peggy made their way to the cafeteria.

_Get a hold of yourself, Carter. Lunch together is not a date._

This was not going as planned. Natasha was incredibly quiet as they ate, and Peggy supposed she should have expected this. She had never gotten the impression that Natasha was friendly or an open book, and even her interactions with Barton were subtle and quiet. She and Natasha had had some banter while they were on the run from Hydra, but they seemed to have lost that now that they had settled into this routine of training and daily work.

“So...ah...how have you been lately?” Peggy made an attempt, and it at least got Natasha to look up from her sandwich. Natasha watched her for a moment before speaking.

“Are you asking that in the small talk way, or in the 'I actually want to know' way?” Natasha asked.

“The 'I actually want to know' way.” Peggy figured she might as well be honest, even if it didn't get an answer out of Natasha. Natasha surprised Peggy, however, and gave her an answer that wasn't just “Fine.”

“I've been managing, I guess.” Natasha shrugged a little. Oh, did Peggy ever know that feeling. It made her more concerned for Natasha, though, and she nodded in sympathy.

“Me too. As much as I can, anyway.” _I'm not actually doing well at all, but you probably don't want to hear that._ Natasha was studying Peggy again, and Peggy felt like she was under a scanner. Natasha's gaze wasn't unkind, though, just very thorough.

“You never really got a chance to adjust to the future, did you? Until now, at least,” Natasha said, and Peggy nodded, surprised that Natasha was being so forward about the situation. No one else on the team really talked about it with her much, and she supposed it was old news, since they had had to deal with multiple crises since she had been defrosted.

“We were all a bit busy, weren't we?” Peggy laughed a little, but the sound was hollow, and Natasha was looking at her with an uncharacteristic amount of concern. Maybe she cared more than Peggy thought she did.

“I suppose we were. Still are. But I hope things are starting to settle down for you, at least for a little while,” Natasha said, and then she quirked an eyebrow. “If you need any help with technology though, Grandma, just give me a shout.” Peggy tried to scowl, but it was difficult when Natasha's teasing was so endearing. She settled for a small huff instead.

“Call me Peggy, not Grandma.” Peggy tried her best to look a little offended, but there was a hint of an upward curve at the corner of her mouth.

“I guess we're on a first name basis now.” Natasha looked pleased, surprising Peggy, and she felt her stomach jump a little. _Calm down, Carter._

“I'm sure you'd prefer that to me calling you 'young whippersnapper,'” Peggy said dryly.

That made Natasha laugh out loud, and Peggy felt herself smiling for the first time in weeks.

–

Lunch together became a regular pattern, and Natasha was frankly more than a little surprised that Peggy was able to get her to come out of her room. She supposed they had a good partnership as coworkers, but before now, the only person who had been able to coax her out of solitude was Clint. So there was something about Peggy, even if she hadn't figured it out yet.

If she was honest with herself, she worried more about Peggy than she probably should. Peggy was perfectly capable of taking care of herself, but Natasha still couldn't help but worry a little when she saw the deep sadness that Peggy tried her best to mask. Peggy seemed to stay in her room these days as much as Natasha did, and apart from lunch and training, Natasha hardly saw her.

So she decided to return the favor. Peggy had checked up on her to see how she was doing, so it was only fair. She wasn't used to reaching out to people like this, though, and felt a little silly. It was hard to convince herself that she was allowed to care for people now, that she didn't have to keep everyone but Clint at arm's length. Still, though, she forced herself to knock when she reached Peggy's door, feeling just as nervous as Peggy had looked when she had asked her to lunch.

When Peggy answered the door, she looked confused at first, but then her features softened into a faint smile when she saw that it was Natasha. That distant sadness was still there in her eyes, as always, but Natasha was glad that Peggy seemed happy to see her.

“Just thought I'd stop by, if you weren't busy. Haven't seen much of you lately, except for lunch.” _I really hope you're doing okay._ Natasha didn't say that part out loud, not wanting to embarrass Peggy. Neither of them were good at talking about their problems, it seemed. But Natasha hoped she could at least distract Peggy a little and brighten her day. She had made Peggy smile a bit, at least, so that was something.

“I'm not busy.” Peggy beckoned for Natasha to come in, and Natasha followed her inside as she closed the door. She realized she didn't really have any particular idea of what they could do together, now that she was here, but she supposed they could talk.

“Your place has a nice view,” Natasha said lamely, and then realized she had been looking directly at Peggy as she had said that. Oops. Peggy smiled a bit, but seemed not to have caught her slip-up, thankfully. Natasha couldn't deny that she was attracted to Peggy, sure, but the likelihood of a relationship between them was incredibly low, mostly due to Natasha's own issues. She imagined Peggy was still in love with Steve Rogers anyway, judging by the picture she kept of him on her mantle.

“I guess I haven't really noticed.” Peggy's eyes looked faraway for a moment, and Natasha felt a pang of sympathy for Peggy. Natasha wasn't the greatest at comforting, but Peggy had so many things to deal with after coming out of the ice, and Natasha wished she could help.

“Let's sit down and take it in, then. Just for a few minutes.” Natasha beckoned for Peggy to follow her toward the couch in front of the window. It was a little presumptuous of her to walk around the place however she pleased, but Peggy didn't seem to mind. When Peggy sat down, she kept a safe distance from Natasha, and Natasha found herself wishing Peggy was closer. She pushed the silly thought out of her mind, wondering why she was thinking that, instead of being glad Peggy was respecting her personal space.

“What do you look at, then, if not the view? You spend a lot of time in here.” Natasha knew that could be opening a can of worms, but Peggy probably needed to talk about what she was dealing with. Then again, she could be as tightly shut as Natasha, but it was worth a try. Peggy shrugged a little, staring out the window.

“Work things, mostly.”

“You're telling me you come to work, and then you go home and work more?”

“Yes. What else is there to do?”

“...good point.” Natasha realized she basically did the same thing. God, what a pair of boring workaholics they were. “You know, you should come over to my place sometime and we can watch a movie. I'm sure you have a lot of catching up to do.”

“I have seen _some_ modern movies, Natasha.”

“Are you familiar with Star Wars?”

“…No.”

“All right then. That's where we'll start.”

–

The ice never left Peggy alone, in her dreams. She jolted awake in a cold sweat from the third nightmare in a row this week, Steve's voice still echoing in her ears.

_Peggy...Don't you dare be late._

Peggy stared into the darkness for a while, trying to gather herself. Every time she felt like she was making progress, a nightmare like this could send her right back to where she was before. She wasn't sure if that terror would ever leave her, and she was damn sure that Steve's words would stay burned in her brain forever.

_I was too late. Way too late. I'm sorry, Steve._

She waited for the adrenaline to fade, but she didn't seem to be able to calm down tonight. So she got up instead, stepping out of her apartment to pace in her pajamas, figuring that no one else would be up. The only person who was likely to be awake was Stark, and he was probably down in his workshop.

The pacing didn't help either, but it was marginally better than lying awake in the darkness, waiting for the nightmare to pull her back under. At least she couldn't fall asleep while walking. She wasn't sure how much time had passed, but she continued to pace, trying to will the adrenaline away. She needed at least  _some_ sleep before training tomorrow – well, today, technically. 

One of the doors in the hallway opened, and Peggy jolted, barely able to stop herself from running back to her quarters like a scared prey animal. She was normally never that jumpy, but her nerves were on edge from the nightmare, and she couldn't seem to wind down. A head of red hair poked out from the slightly open door, and Peggy stopped pacing when she saw Natasha. She felt a twist of embarrassment, hating that Natasha was seeing her this vulnerable, but it was too late now.

“I heard you pacing.”

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you.” Natasha shook her head, dismissing Peggy's words.

“Are you okay?” She asked, and then shook her head again. “Sorry, dumb question. You don't look okay, so you're probably not okay.” It was all too tempting to deny this, and tell Natasha that she was just having some insomnia, but something about Natasha's face made her want to tell the truth.

“Nightmares, that's all. I don't think I'll be sleeping again tonight.” Peggy tried to play it off like it was nothing, but from the look on Natasha's face, it looked like Natasha understood that feeling all too well. To her bewilderment, Natasha laughed, a dry, quiet sound.

“Join the club. Red Room bastards keep trying to prevent me from getting my beauty sleep.” Natasha almost sounded like she was making a joke, but there wasn't quite enough humor there. Peggy wasn't entirely familiar with the Red Room, but from the bits and pieces she had gathered about Natasha's past, it didn't sound like a pleasant place.

N atasha was giving her an odd look now, as if she was considering something. Peggy hoped she didn't look like too much of a mess right now, although she trusted Natasha enough not to hold it against her. When Natasha spoke, her words surprised Peggy. 

“You know, we could...” Natasha looked unsure, and Peggy wondered if sleepiness had taken down some of her walls. “We could sleep beside each other. If you want. And if it would help.” Natasha looked like she wanted to cringe at herself for letting those words fall out, but the idea was surprisingly appealing.

“Never mind, that was my stupid brain operating without a filter thanks to lack of sleep,” Natasha said, turning to duck back into her apartment. “Feel better soon.” Peggy found herself setting a hand on Natasha's door to keep it open, and Natasha looked up, surprised. 

“No, I...I think I would like that. If you won't think I'm silly in the morning.” Peggy couldn't remember the last time she had slept beside someone else, even in a platonic way. She was frankly starved for physical contact, or even a physical presence of someone else next to her.

“I'm the one who suggested it.” Natasha still looked embarrassed, but there was a faint smile on her features now, and she beckoned for Peggy to come inside. Even in the dark, Peggy could tell that Natasha's quarters were incredibly sparse. It suited her, she supposed, but she wondered if Natasha had had any kind of real home before. This was a place to live, but certainly not a home. She felt a pang in her heart for the other woman, trying not to let it show on her face. She followed Natasha to her bedroom, becoming a little flustered at the idea of lying next to someone she was definitely attracted to.

“Thank you for this, honestly. I still don't know if I'll sleep, but it helps not to be alone,” Peggy said, her voice quiet. She didn't like making herself vulnerable, but she supposed that if she couldn't even be vulnerable with her most trusted partner here, who _could_ she be vulnerable with? 

“It'll help me, too. So it's good for both of us.” Natasha settled down on the bed, curling up on her side, and Peggy followed suit, laying flat on her back. Natasha's bed was a little less firm than what Peggy was used to, but Natasha's presence made up for it. 

“Sleep well, Peggy.” Natasha's tone was soft, and Peggy felt a sensation in her heart that she couldn't quite identify. Natasha switched off the light, and Peggy closed her eyes, trying her best to lose herself to sleep. Eventually, she faded into a dreamless sleep, able to relax a little thanks to having another person beside her.

She was in between sleep and waking when she felt the sensation of being held, and her first instinct was to burrow closer, drinking in the sensation. The arms around her were small enough to be Steve's, but something in her knew this wasn't Steve, and was also okay with that. Finally, though, she began to fully awaken, and realized that Natasha had curled herself around Peggy's back in her sleep. Her first thought was that this was incredibly warm and nice, and her second thought was  _Oh god, I hope this doesn't make things awkward._

Peggy decided not to wake Natasha for now, though, reasoning that Natasha needed sleep. It was a strange thing to be held so gently by someone who could easily snap her neck, but it felt good, and the selfish part of Peggy didn't want it to stop. So she closed her eyes again and pretended to sleep, enjoying the sensation while it lasted.

When Natasha finally awoke, she gave Peggy a squeeze, and then sat up, saying nothing about what had just happened between them.

“Morning, Peg. Hope you got some sleep.”

–

Checking on each other had developed into a habit, and now, after that night, sleeping next to each other had become a  habit too. When they had discussed it later, Natasha and Peggy had both concluded that sleeping next to each other had helped them get much better sleep, so it was logical for the pattern to continue.

If she was honest with herself, Natasha was still embarrassed that she had accidentally curled around Peggy in her sleep. Not that she hadn't enjoyed it, but she hoped she hadn't made Peggy uncomfortable. Peggy was warm and solid and strong in her embrace, though, and Natasha had found it incredibly comforting.  If Peggy had agreed to multiple nights in Natasha's bed, though, she couldn't have made her  _that_ uncomfortable. They continued to wake up in that position every morning, and neither of them said anything about it. 

N atasha wondered what exactly was happening between them. This was taking “partner trust” a little beyond the norm, and Natasha imagined that most co-captains did not sleep in the same bed at night, unless they were in a relationship. Natasha had always considered relationships out of the question in her life. Clint came pretty close, but even then, she didn't feel like it would be fair to either of them. The emotional stakes were already high enough when the other was in danger, and that would just make it even worse.

Something about Peggy made her want it anyway, though.

She doubted Peggy was thinking the same thing. Natasha was just glad she could give her comfort during sleep, and since they both were getting sleep now, the team would be able to perform better. That was the most important part, anyway.  They couldn't afford to ruin that with trying something romantic.

But god, was Natasha tempted.

This time, she had ended up curling around Peggy's front, and the still sleeping – or at least, eyes closed – Peggy was facing her, her breathing slow and even. It amazed Natasha how well put together Peggy could look, even in sleep. Her hair was scattered across the pillow, but none of it looked out of place. On a whim, Natasha reached a hand up to gently stroke Peggy's cheek, brushing a little hair back from her face. Peggy stirred faintly, and Natasha retracted her hand, hoping she hadn't woken her up. It was becoming apparent that Natasha was a lot more gone for Peggy than she was willing to admit, and that was becoming a problem.

Natasha waited until Peggy became still again, and then shifted a little closer, resting her arm around Peggy's back. To her surprise, Peggy stirred again, sleepily easing her arm around Natasha to pull her in closer.  _That_ certainly hadn't happened before, but Natasha wasn't about to complain. She slipped easily into the other woman's embrace, savoring the moment while she could. She knew Peggy would pull away as soon as she woke up fully, but she didn't want this to end. 

Peggy was smiling a little in her sleep, which wasn't helping matters at all.  _You idiot, you've fallen for her._ So Natasha found herself taking a risk and leaning forward, letting her lips brush against Peggy's. Peggy stirred again, her eyes not opening quite yet, but she was definitely awake, because she leaned into the kiss, surprising Natasha. Her panic instinct was beginning to kick in, but she tried to push it to the back of her mind, not wanting this to be ruined. 

Peggy's lips were warm on hers, and Natasha's hand found its way into her hair, tugging the other woman a little closer. She kissed Peggy until she needed to breathe, and it was only when they broke apart that Natasha felt the rush of panic she had been holding back. Peggy let out a little noise of surprise when Natasha broke the kiss, but Natasha found herself scrambling backward, feeling an incredible need to  _escape_ , however illogical. 

Peggy's expression changed from pleased surprise to a frown, and Natasha knew she had already fucked up. But if she was going to run, she was going to run. She had to. This wasn't ever going to work.

“I – I need to go train,” Natasha stammered, and then she bolted out of Peggy's quarters, fleeing to her own. She hated herself for everything she was doing right now, but there was no circumstance in which this would work. It had been stupid of her to kiss Peggy in the first place, because she was never going to be able to let anyone in, even someone she trusted, like Peggy. The stakes were too high, and she wasn't sure if she could handle losing the other woman, if their relationship deepened and became romantic.

_I'm sorry, Peggy. But I just can't do this._

–

As soon as Natasha bolted away from her, Peggy's heart felt like it had just been dropped on the ground and stomped on. When the initial pain faded, she felt like she was in a state of shock, and she stayed that way for the rest of the week. She was able to function and train the team with Natasha on a professional level, but she was afraid that if she let herself feel anything after that, that it would be too much.

She gave Natasha space, having no other choice, and spent most of her nights that week completely sleepless. The nightmares were back, and when she woke up to remember what had happened in reality, it made her feel even worse. She was physically safe from the ice, but now it felt like the ice had encased her heart.

Peggy supposed she couldn't blame Natasha for her panic, though. The more she thought about it, the more  _she_ felt panicked about the whole thing. What if she lost Natasha, one day? She had already lost Steve, and she wasn't sure if she could go through that again. That was almost enough to dissuade her from the whole thing.

Almost.

Peggy waited another week, finally managing a few nights of sleep from sheer exhaustion. She could tell that Natasha wasn't doing well, and the team was picking up on the sudden rift between the two of them. Whether she liked it or not, they needed to get this sorted out, if only to preserve the unity among their team.

So finally, she approached Natasha, knocking on her door after dinner one night.

“Natasha, I would like to speak with you,” Peggy said, and then her voice grew a little quieter. “Please.”

It was a few minutes before Natasha opened the door, but when she did, she looked wary, like she was afraid Peggy was going to attack her.

“I just want to talk. Please let me in?” Peggy asked, and Natasha looked like she was almost ready to shut the door. After a moment's hesitation, though, she beckoned wordlessly for Peggy to follow her inside, and Peggy obeyed.

“I'm sorry about two weeks ago. I think it would be best to forget about it.” Natasha's tone made it sound like she definitely did _not_ want to forget about it, and it hurt Peggy to hear it. Peggy shook her head, approaching Natasha, but not touching her. 

“Natasha, I - “ Peggy began, trying to figure out how to bare her soul to Natasha without making a complete fool of herself. “I want this, if you do. I want you. But if you don't, I will forget about it, like you asked.” There. At least it was out in the open now.

N atasha looked almost afraid when Peggy said that, and Peggy wondered if she had made a mistake and spooked her. Natasha didn't make a move to approach her, but she finally spoke. 

“I want this, too,” she admitted, looking down. “But I don't think it can happen. There's too much at risk.” Peggy's memories briefly flashed back to losing Steve, and for a moment, she almost agreed with Natasha, tempted to call it quits right there.

“Whatever we are to each other, Natasha, there's always going to be that risk of losing each other. It's the nature of our work,” Peggy said, and Natasha nodded.

“I know that. But there's also...other things,” Natasha said. Peggy waited for her to continue, but she didn't.

“I'm not going to hurt you, Natasha. I want you to be able to trust me.” It still bothered Peggy how afraid Natasha looked, and she knew that was the look of someone who had been hurt severely in the past. She made a mental note to listen as well as she could, if Natasha ever chose to tell her about the Red Room.

“I don't tend to let people in this far. It ends badly, for me and for them.” Natasha shook her head. “It's dangerous to let someone know you that well. They could get hurt, or they could hurt _you_.” There wasn't much fire in her words, though, and they sounded like Natasha had repeated them to herself ad nauseum over the course of her life. 

“I can't guarantee our safety, Natasha. I'm terrified about that, too. But I can guarantee that I will never hurt you, at least on purpose. It will take time, but I want to prove that to you.” Peggy paused. “Will you let me?” If this went badly, Peggy was going to be in a bad state for weeks, but at least she was ripping the bandaid off early. It would be much worse to pine. Natasha was silent for a few moments, and they were some of the longest moments of Peggy's life.

“Okay. We can try.” Natasha's voice was quiet, and she still looked spooked. Peggy reached forward slowly to gently take her hand, wanting to reassure her. 

“We'll take it day by day. Is that okay with you?” Peggy didn't think she could go any faster than that, since she was just as unsure about this as Natasha. But she didn't want to abandon this chance at something good, either. She gave Natasha's hand a gentle squeeze, and Natasha nodded. She brought Natasha's hand up to her face, pressing a gentle, chaste kiss there. 

Then, Natasha laughed again.

“You missed.” 

Before Peggy could react, Natasha stood on her tiptoes to press a gentle kiss to Peggy's lips, something much less frantic but somehow more meaningful than the one they had shared before. It didn't last long, but when Natasha pulled away, Peggy finally felt her heart begin to defrost.

“This is a good start.” 


End file.
